Rest In Peace

I Love you Aunt Rita

remember this

A good rule off thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error
-Dennis Miller

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The hardest part of loosing someone is realizing that they are not coming back.

wow haha

i just read through these and a lot of them were really dumb, or random...

Gotta Pee

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, however they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.
Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee,
so they stopped in the cemetery.
One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them.
She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that.
After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home.
The next day one of the woman's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said:
'These girl nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect
the worst. .. my wife came home with no panties!!'
'That's nothing' said the other husband,
'Mine came back with a card stuck to her ass that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station.
We'll never forget you.''

Ollie and Sven

Ollie and Sven were fishing when Sven pulled out a cigar.
Finding he had no matches, he asked Ollie for a light.
'Ya, shure, I tink I haff a lighter,' he replied, and then reaching into his tackle box, he pulled out a Bic lighter 10 inches long.
'Yiminy Cricket!' exclaimed Sven, taking the huge Bic Lighter in his hands.
'Vere dit yew git dat monster??'
'Vell,' replied Ollie, 'I got it from my Genie.'
'You haff a Genie?' Sven asked.
'Ya, shure. It's right here in my tackle box,' says Ollie.'
Could I see him?'
Ollie opens his tackle box & sure enough, out pops the Genie.
Addressing the genie, Sven says, 'Hey dere! I'm a good friend of your master. Vill you grant me vun vish?'
'Yes, I will,' says the Genie.
So Sven asks the Genie for a million bucks.
The Genie disappears back into the tackle box leaving Sven sitting there waiting for his million bucks.Shortly, the sky darkens and is filled with the sound of a million ducks....flying directly overhead.Over the roar of the million ducks Sven yells at Ollie,
'Yumpin' Yimminy, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!
'Ollie answers, 'Ya, I forgot to tell yew dat da Genie is hart of hearing. Do yew really tink I asked for a 10-inch Bic?"